Wednesday Wisdom
Dance is a metaphor for life. Or is it the other way around? Contact us to get a weekly reflection in your inbox, or come here to scroll through past insights at your leisure.
9/3/25 Connection
Ask someone about connection in dance and they'll tell you about tension, handhold, frame, body position, signals, responsiveness, and more. They're not wrong, but the most enjoyable connection is emotional.
It's important to master the mechanics, but a great dance transcends the physical experience. Look at your partner and smile, make eye contact, laugh. Or close your eyes and feel each other's energy. Be playful. Have a conversation. =)
It can feel almost telepathic to move in symmetry to music with another person. That's the kind of magic that brings social dancing to another level.
And in life, do the same. Put down your phone and look at the person across from you. Smile. Connect.
8/27/25 Just Ask!
Asking questions is a great way to learn, yet we often hesitate, fearing ridicule or judgment. Somehow we've been conditioned to think we should be experts at everything we do, so we stumble blindly, making avoidable mistakes.
Not sure about that footwork, or the handhold in a new pattern you're learning? Ask!
And here's a challenge beyond seeking clarity in class: Ask for feedback on your social dancing. Of course not every dance, but encourage a trusted partner to share one thing you do well and one thing you could improve. The only way to become aware of our blind spots is for someone to point them out. You might be surprised by what you learn.
It's the same in all aspects of life. Ask questions. Get feedback. Learn something new.
8/20/25 The time is now
"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best is today."
Does the timeline to achieve a goal discourage you from pursuing it? It's easy to feel like a finish line is so distant that it's not worth starting, but time will pass either way. In a year, you can still be thinking "I'd love to do this one day," or you can reap the benefit of a year of progress.
Reaching any goal begins the moment you take the first step. Just like dancing. =)
Whatever your dreams, start now.
8/13/25 Just do it!
JUST DO IT. The brilliance of Nike's slogan is undeniable, but it's more than a catchy phrase. It's behavioral science.
In her book, The 5 Second Rule, Mel Robbins describes "a five-second window between your initial instinct to act and your brain stopping you," explaining that "the longer that you think about something, the lower your urge to act becomes."
We often have a great idea - go for a run, take a dance class, hit the gym. But if we hesitate for even a few seconds, our focus shifts to the objections - it's too hot out, tomorrow morning I'll be more motivated (ha!). This mental shift happens unconsciously and so quickly that it can kill your instinct to act, unless you interrupt it.
Mel Robbins suggests counting backwards 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... and then launching into action (counting backwards disrupts the thinking that leads to hesitation). My method? I tell myself "nothing happens by just thinking about it." =)
So the next time you think about taking a class, calling a friend, starting a project, going out dancing... act without delay, before hesitation derails you.
Just do it.
8/6/25 The Comparison Trap
It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, but we almost always make unfair comparisons.
"We don't compare our student films to George Lucas's student films. Instead, we compare them to Star Wars." - Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way
If you're new to something, remember that everyone started at the beginning. Measure yourself against where you were yesterday, not where someone else is today.
And rather than feeling discouraged by the gap between you and someone in a different phase of the journey, see them as the future you!
7/30/25 The more you learn the less you know
It's an interesting paradox, the learning curve. At first, there's a steep climb taking you from zero to capable novice in a short time. But then comes the plateau. Whereas one class used to significantly elevate your baseline, now progress seems sluggish.
Many people want to jump into more complex material at this point, or stop training altogether, but those who stick with it realize there's much more to master. True growth requires circling back to the fundamentals with the eyes of experience. With this fresh perspective, you can understand what's missing and fill in the gaps, deepening your understanding of core concepts.
This clearly applies to dance, but whatever discipline you're pursuing, the path to mastery isn't linear, but iterative. The learning curve is really a loop.
7/23/25 Trust yourself
"Don't look at your feet to see if you're doing it right."
-- Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird
Bird by Bird is a book about writing, so Lamott meant this as a metaphor for the overthinking that comes with self-doubt. But in dance, it's literal advice that I regularly give my students. Looking at your feet makes your movement look tentative and uncertain. It interrupts your flow, shifts your center, and throws you off balance.
The next time you're tempted to look at your feet, literally or metaphorically, remember that seeking reassurance can cause the very misstep you're hoping to avoid.
Trust what you know, and build your confidence with every step.
7/16/25 Embrace the unexpected
Have you ever attended a workshop expecting partnerwork, only to spend the hour doing shines? Maybe the DJ at a social played too much bachata (or romantica, or salsa dura) for your taste. How did you react? Frustrated, disappointed, unable to enjoy what was offered?
Let's flip it. What if instead of getting frustrated, you embrace what's in front of you?
We all have preferences and expectations, and there's nothing wrong with pursuing what you want. But if you find yourself in an unexpected situation, why be mad about what you can't change?
We often quickly reject what we aren't seeking. Next time, give something different your wonder and appreciation, and who knows? It might become your new favorite thing.
Open your mind and be curious. What's next?
7/9/25 Step by Step
I'm an avid DIY enthusiast, and I've completed scores of huge projects on my own. People often ask how I learned all the necessary skills. The answer? One small skill at a time, until the pieces added up.
When you first learn footwork, every count has so many details to remember. Which foot moves? Do you change weight? Are you traveling or staying in place? Turning? Changing your body orientation? And what are your arms doing? OMG, arms?!
Breathe.
Over time, individual steps become recognizable patterns that span eight counts and have names. The movements settle into your muscle memory.
Take this short but daunting sequence for a beginner:
On count 1, cross your right foot over your left and shift your weight. Keep your feet turned out, take a small step, let your right hip rotate forward and your left arm lift naturally. On 2, shift your weight back to your left foot, as your right hip moves back and your right arm comes up. On 3, repeat the right over left cross. Don't step on 4, but keep moving as you prepare to repeat the sequence starting with the other foot.
It's overwhelming at first, but keep at it. Because eventually, all that becomes just one thing - a Susie Q.
The key to learning anything is to break it down into manageable pieces, and to trust that with time, those pieces will come together.
7/2/25 Get over your FOMO
Stop worrying that you'll miss out if you don't go somewhere. Wait, what?
Yes. With opportunities pulling you in every direction, this might seem like odd advice, but it's okay to skip a social, a class, a festival, a house party, or anything else that comes your way. Life is full of choices, and there will never be enough time or energy to do everything.
If something entices you, show up, but go to enjoy the experience, not to be seen. Image is a meaningless pursuit, and popularity is fickle.
If you'd rather be somewhere else, choose that. It's that simple.
And remember - whatever you're NOT doing makes space in your life to do something else. =)
6/25/25 Are you a dancer?
One of my students asked a thought-provoking question: What defines a dancer versus someone who dances?
It's easy to call someone a dancer when they perform with grace and precision and teach for a living. And it's probably fair to think of someone who only dances at a wedding, or after a few drinks at a party, as simply someone who dances. But I think it's more subtle than that.
For me, it's about identity, lifestyle, and commitment.
Our identity is how we see ourselves, not how the rest of the world labels us. If you commit time and energy to something, if it shapes how you live, if it's how you think of yourself, embrace it.
Do YOU think you're a dancer? If so, then you are. =)
6/18/25 Live music is a gift!
Dancers are funny. Music is the lifeblood of salsa dancing, but many dancers complain about live bands, annoyed by arrangements that are too long, sections that are hard to dance to, or breaks between songs.
Hey, I get it. When I'm at a festival I dance almost nonstop. But these musicians are giving us an incredible gift. I love live music, and I often stand near the front to just listen, watch, and absorb it into my soul.
The next time you're treated to live music, if the song is too long or not quite danceable, stop dancing. =) But instead of complaining, relax your parameters and settle in for the show.
6/11/25 Are you intimidated?
It's common to feel intimidated by people with some level of success or notoriety, but why? Are you reluctant to approach someone more advanced, fearing you'll fail to impress them, waste their time, or be judged harshly? Stop torturing yourself. We all have strengths, and weaknesses. Sure, they might be an amazing dancer, but I guarantee you excel at something they would struggle with.
Excellence deserves respect, but let's stop conflating talent with worth. Someone accomplished AT A SKILL is NOT a better PERSON than you, and you are as deserving of space on the floor as anyone.
6/4/25 It's the journey
Dance, like life, is an unpredictable journey. Sure, we have specific destinations in mind, goals to achieve... but if we pause to savor the moments along the way, the reward is already in our grasp.
Are you a beginner seeking the confidence to social dance regularly? Come to class and immerse yourself in the learning process. Celebrate your progress. Training isn't just a path to proficiency. It's an experience in itself.
Do you yearn to travel to faraway festivals, but constraints keep you at home? Dance where you live. Support your local community and enjoy a social circle built on a shared passion.
Are you anxious to perform and show the world your latest creation, but it's not quite there yet? Relax. Keep working. Getting on stage might seem like the payoff, but time spent developing and polishing choreography is its own reward, a process full of joy, frustration, bonding with teammates, and satisfaction at watching a vision materialize.
No matter the stage of your journey with dance, or your phase in life, find joy in the process, fulfillment in the quest, and excitement in the unexpected.
Enjoy the ride.
5/28/25 Express yourself!
Dance is a discipline with rules and structure, but it's also an art form. It's important to honor cultural origin and history, and to learn and emulate proper technique and movement, but the real joy of dance comes from self-expression. Embrace your own style.
Build your house according to the architectural plans, and then paint it whatever color you want!
5/21/25 Don't just stand there
Do you find yourself standing along the wall at a social, waiting to be asked for a dance? You might think you're being deliberately passed over, but it's most often completely unintentional when people actively dancing song after song don't take your hand. They just don't see you.
Make yourself visible. Stand up instead of sitting in a chair. Step forward and glance around, making it clear that you're looking for a partner. And when you see someone unattached who looks receptive to a dance, ask them! Wait, what? YES! Someone is always doing the asking - why shouldn't it be YOU?
Being passive gets you nowhere, in dance or in life. What do you want? Go get it.
5/14/25 Press pause
I was at the Prague salsa marathon last week, and I was reminded again how important it is to press pause on the action. Connect with your partner through a perfectly timed stop, a synchronized breath, a look and a knowing smile.
Yes, intricate patterns, adrenaline-fueled intensity, and fast-paced movement are all part of the equation, but only part of it. Every tiny moment holds rich potential worthy of savoring.
Slow down in dance. Slow down in life. Be where you are, fully, and the magic of the pause will be revealed.
5/7/25 Smile
In dance as in life, attitude is everything. Pure skill and flow on the dance floor are important of course, but I don't care how technically skilled you are if you never crack a smile or make eye contact. Flawless execution without engagement feels mechanical, because the real joy of social dancing comes from connection, not perfection.
This applies well beyond the dance floor. Whether you're in line at the grocery store, getting on an elevator, or passing a stranger on the street... smile!
4/30/25 Where are you going?
Today's wisdom is short, but all encompassing. Wherever you're looking is where you'll end up.
This applies to chainé turns (spot!), mowing the lawn in straight lines, and countless metaphorical moments in life.
Where we set our gaze matters. Look up, look forward, and go!
4/23/25 I already know that... do you though?
Today's wisdom builds on the last two weeks, and presenting this concept in three parts is intentionally meta.
First we talked about muscle memory and neuroplasticity. Next we addressed the importance of repetition. Today's theme is layered learning, and the need to circle back to things you think you already know.
The starting point for new learning continuously advances as muscle memory kicks in. Consider your first dance class, learning the basic step. Your cup is empty, ready to be filled with knowledge, but it fills up quickly with just the framework of counts and steps. With repetition and neuroplasticity in play, counts and steps become second nature, and you can focus on weight transfer, posture, foot position. Your steps become more fluid, and with timing on auto-pilot you begin to really hear the music, because you're no longer counting. Body movement develops, shoulders and rib cage are part of the equation now, you're stepping into the floor, learning about body mechanics. You begin to develop a natural flow, and your personal style starts to evolve.
All that growth and transformation, and we're only talking about the basic step! Layered learning takes time, and it never stops. As your baseline advances, you cycle back to the start, revisiting and refining again and again, each time with new insight and a fresh perspective.
Growth stops when you think you've learned all there is to know, on the dance floor, and in life. There's always a deeper understanding, another layer, a different perspective, or new information you haven't considered. Keep an open mind, and keep growing.
4/16/25 Repeat, repeat, repeat!
Last week we talked about muscle memory and the creation of neural pathways that strengthen with repetition. Guess what that means? Repetition is a necessary component to learning. Repetition is a necessary component to learning. See what I did there?
The first time you learn a step, a turn, a pattern, a movement technique, you don't learn it. Nope. Not yet. That's why we cover the same concepts, but mix them up to keep things fun, while we reinforce formation of the neural pathway. It's also why you shouldn't be discouraged if you don't pick something up right away!
Learning dance happens iteratively, refining and honing the details over time. More on this next week. =)
4/9/25 Your body remembers
You've probably heard the term muscle memory, but what does it really mean?
When you learn new skills, the brain creates neural pathways, and with repetition these pathways strengthen. Eventually conscious thought isn't required, and actions happen automatically. Driving is a great example. New drivers have to watch the road, check mirrors, steer, accelerate, brake, and use the clutch and gear shift to change gears (yes, I still drive a stick!), but do you consciously think about any of those things anymore?
Muscle memory in dancing is undeniable. Ask a brand new dancer to do a basic step and they have to think about which foot to start with and when, shifting weight, the count attached to every step, the size of their steps, posture, foot position, and so many other details. But eventually, the signals take the neural pathway for the basic step and it just happens. This happens for more advanced skills too!
The good news is also the bad news, because whatever you repeat is what becomes automatic. This is why it's important to slow down when learning, and practice the details. Not sure what those details are? Take classes. =)
4/2/25 It's okay to laugh!
Have you ever made a mistake while social dancing? C'mon... EVERYONE makes mistakes, from beginners to seasoned pros, but guess what? It's okay! I've missed countless leads when the signal wasn't clear or I wasn't paying attention. I might go right when sent left, throw an extra spin, travel when I shouldn't, or stay put when I should move. When leading, I might give an unclear signal, or make a decision too late for clean execution.
But while the possibilities are endless, my response is always the same - I smile and often laugh out loud. Even if my partner is irrationally judgemental, any unseen tension disappears as they smile back. Our connection actually improves, and the rest of our dance takes on an even more comfortable groove.
Missteps happen all the time, in dance, and in life. We often take things too seriously, or let our self-worth get tangled up in imagined perceptions of others.
Nobody cares if you make a mistake, so when it happens, just laugh it off and move on. =)
3/26/25 It's not a race
Dancers are often eager to tackle more complex material, but moving through class levels too quickly can actually be counterproductive.
If social dancing is your end goal, consider this. When asked what they love about dancing with their favorite partners, people most often compliment the other person's connection and quality of movement, not the volume of their repertoire. "His lead is so smooth." "Her timing is perfect; nothing feels rushed." "Our connection is sublime." "Her balance and control are incredible." These compliments highlight mastery of FUNDAMENTAL skills.
Of course someone who smoothly executes complex sequences is admired, but nobody raves about the lead with a huge inventory of moves if the execution is awkward. This goes for follows too. It takes time and repetition to master the foundational skills of proper foot placement and weight transfer, and to understand the delicate balance between responsiveness and patience when following.
In your rush to learn more, never stop working on the fundamentals. Building a strong foundation is the key to becoming a great social dancer.
3/19/25 Are you stressed out?
Does asking someone to dance stress you out? It's not uncommon to fear rejection or feel intimidated, but there's no need to dread that moment when the song changes. Try these tips to stay relaxed and keep things in perspective.
- Reframe your mindset. Someone saying yes or no isn't acceptance or rejection of you as a person; it's just a dance. Louder for the people in the back: IT'S JUST A DANCE!
- Reframe your goals. Social dancing is about having fun, connecting with other people, and enjoying the freedom of moving your body to music. You don't have to impress anyone.
- Reframe your expectations. If you anticipate rejection, you're more likely to be rejected. Yep.
- Reframe your approach. Now that you remember it's just a dance, you're there to have fun, and of course that person wants to dance with you, relax, smile (!!), ask politely, and enjoy the connection.
- Reframe your reaction. Okay, not everyone will say yes. So what?! Move on to the next person and get out on the floor.
It really is that simple. Do you have anxiety about asking for a dance? Reach out directly and let's talk, and of course when you see me, ask me to dance. =)
3/12/25 Wait for it
Following smoothly requires a variety of skills - connection, balance, foot placement, weight transfer, reaction to signals, body mechanics, and more - but a key element is often overlooked in training: waiting.
Wait for a clear signal. The mind can trick the body into thinking a raised arm implies a right turn, or an open lane means you should race to the other side of a cross body lead, but don't be fooled. Don't react to a signal that hasn't happened yet.
The bad habit of jumping the lead often starts in class. A follow learns the pattern being taught, executes it whether it's led or not, and the lead thinks they've mastered a new move. Meanwhile, the follow is inadvertently training their brain to react to imagined signals, instead of learning to feel the lead.
In a social setting, moving just a split second too soon can be enough to break the partnership connection. Slow down. Wait. Connect. Like many bad habits, anticipating the lead is a tough one to break, so it's important to develop good habits from the start.
The next time you're on the social floor, clear your mind, relax, and trust your body. And the next time you're in class, if they don't lead it, don't do it. =)
3/5/25 Complexity versus connection
In dance, as in life, sometimes less is more.
Two scenarios when I'm following socially:
1) My lead combines complexity and flow, taking me effortlessly through a range of exhilarating spins and intricate combinations. I leave the floor feeling invigorated, endorphins pumping through my body.
2) My lead is focused on our connection and musicality, executing basic moves, but with finesse, flair, and a light touch. I step off the floor awash in dopamine, feeling like my soul has been replenished and life is sublime.
You don't always have to impress your partner with complexity. Especially if you're still working to smooth out your flow when leading, remember that HOW you lead is more important than WHAT you lead.
2/26/25 Wait, did you even ask?
Have you ever had someone grab your hand and pull you onto the dance floor, sometimes without even making eye contact? Even if unintentional, "asking" for a dance like this can feel a bit presumptuous.
Maybe they're a close friend, just eager to dance, or they've been waiting all night for you to be free, so on the receiving end, I don't get offended, but I might playfully admonish them, "oh, are you asking me to dance?"
And if I'm asking, I give someone the chance to say no, whether they're a close friend or a sought-after pro I've been hoping to catch. Sometimes a raised eyebrow and eye contact is enough, but I always try to ask directly, "would you like to dance or are you taking a break?"
The next time you're about to grab someone's hand, take a moment to ask first. =)
2/19/25 Do you hate shines?
Do you hate shines? When someone decides to learn salsa, they probably envision leading an endless array of turns and tricky patterns, or smoothly following the same. They don't typically see themselves intentionally separating from their partner (omg why would I do that?!), so in class it might feel like learning shines as a waste of time, or at least not what they think they're there for.
My top three reasons for learning shines:
1) Shines build fundamental partnerwork skills - weight transfer, footspeed, foot position, body awareness, balance, timing, musicality, the list goes on.
2) As a dancer evolves, execution requires less concentration and our mind has room to hear and feel the music with more nuance. Sometimes breaking away from your partner is the most appropriate way to express that nuance through movement.
3) If you're a lead, the day will come when your follow ditches your grasp, creates a bit of distance, and starts doing footwork. If you're a follow, he might give you a free spin with no intention of reconnecting anytime soon. Don't you want to be ready?
Which of these examples resonate with you?
Quick story. After I found salsa in 2006, I danced socially for more than a year with no real training (just an occasional pre-social class), before I hit a plateau and started privates with a local pro. His method for teaching shines was to stand there and say "okay, show me what you got." Ummmm... I had NOTHING, and I HATED shines, but what I didn't realize until later was I hated footwork because I simply didn't know any. This is why I love teaching shines, along with my top three reasons above.
2/12/25 When is it okay to turn down a dance?
Nobody should feel obligated to dance with anyone, but let's explore some factors to consider when turning someone down.
If a lead is too rough for your comfort, do you accept to be polite and risk getting hurt? You can say "no thank you," but if they ask again, do you keep saying no until they stop asking? Or do you accept, but tell them how you feel: "I'd love to, but your lead is a bit too forceful... go easy on me." That honesty might lead to a surprisingly nice dance.
What if someone smells bad, needs a breath mint, or sweats profusely? Your discomfort isn't about their dancing, so honesty is a bit tougher, but why is it so awkward to comment on personal hygiene? How would you feel if someone said "let's dance, but first..." and they handed you a mint, or a towel? Is that better than rejection without explanation?
Some situations are easy. You need a break: "I'd love to later, but I'm sitting this one out." You're in the middle of a conversation: "Next one?" You don't like the song: "I'm not feeling the music, but I'll find you later." But be truthful. Don't say you'll find someone later and then avoid them all night. Don't dance with someone else to the same song you just claimed to not like. Fabricated excuses can hurt feelings and expose you as insincere. It's okay to say no, just don't lie.
I've turned down dances because someone isn't the right fit for the song, especially if it's a song I really love. "Thank you, but I'm looking for someone else for this particular song. Let's grab another one later." It's okay to wait for the right combination.
A young, pretty girl and a more mature woman are standing at the perimeter. Who do you ask? Why? An older gentleman with basic moves who talks nonstop invites you to the floor. Do you accept? A lead who struggles with timing and coordination and a local favorite approach you at the same time. Who do you dance with?
How did you feel as a beginner struggling to find confidence, when you worked up the courage to ask for a dance only to be harshly dismissed? How will you feel in 20 years, standing by the wall feeling invisible? How would you feel today if you sought out the wallflower, made them smile, and helped them feel seen? Consider being the reason someone feels appreciated instead of disregarded.
Do I love dancing with a lead who executes tricky patterns at lightning speed? Sure, sometimes. Do I appreciate a mature sense of musicality, flow, and connection? Of course. But every dance doesn't have to be "that dance" to be fun for both partners. The biggest joy of partner dancing comes from the shared experience with another person. When you reject someone, a tiny piece of their enthusiasm dies. But when you let go of your own ego and connect, it uplifts not just your partner, but you.
Remember too that dancers evolve. That rough lead might be the smoothest on the floor in a year. Be kind, smile, laugh, and enjoy the human experience.
My final thought? It's okay if you're an adrenaline-seeking dance addict who craves a rush from the minute you walk in until the last song, and you don't care about human connection or how your rejection affects others. But I think you're missing out.
2/5/25 Are you oblivious?
Let's talk about floorcraft. Have you ever been smacked by a nearby dancer, or stepped on? Maybe you've been led directly into another person by a partner who wasn't paying attention.
Floorcraft is the art of navigating the floor with awareness. The intention of a dance might be to connect with our partner, but we can't get so absorbed we forget we're not alone out there.
Be mindful of your surroundings. Respect the territory nearby couples have staked out, and as the sea of dancers surges onto the floor, look around before you blindly step into the path of an oncoming cross body lead. If the floor is crowded, keep your moves compact. Refrain from traveling if there's nowhere to go. Don't execute elaborate arm styling at the risk of connecting with someone else's face.
When I'm following in a crowded space, I sense if my lead is protecting me, or putting me and those around us at risk. And I look out for my partner and surroundings too, because floorcraft is a responsibility we all share.
Look around. Be aware. Pay attention.
Don't be oblivious.
1/30/25 Why do you dance?
Let's talk about motivation. Why do you dance? Do you want to try something new? Are you a seasoned dancer looking for training to sharpen your skills? Do you find yourself in need of community, with a regular appointment on your calendar to connect socially? Do you dream of the stage? Do you need a fitness routine that feels more like fun than work?
Everyone's motivation is different, and that's what makes being human so interesting.
You can chase excellence and spend hours in the studio working hard and mastering your craft, or you can go social dancing once a month and be happy just to hear some music and mingle with friends. You can shine under the stage lights, and then hide in your hotel room when it's time to social dance. You can fly to Europe for a weekend and dance 35 hours in four days (ask me how I know this lol).
There is no wrong way to dance!
Don't let anyone criticize you because your motivation and level of commitment is different from theirs. Whatever you do in life, ask yourself WHY you do it, and ask yourself why YOU do it.
I dance because it takes complete possession of my body and mind and holds me in the moment, while the chaos of life fades away.
Why do YOU dance?